Exist

Dear Diary,

Wow! I still exist! Can you believe it, my dear Diary? I feel I must apologize for my absence, for I was very busy this past four months.

You see, Diary, I was adventuring. No, not adventuring, but ADVENTURING! I was like a skinny white Ethiopian boy on tv that some guy in a beard pressures you into adopting for 50 cents a day and in return you receive blurry pictures on me. Actually, I don't think that was a great example... how about comparing me to Indiana Jones? YEAH! Diary, you are a friggin' genius! I was like Indiana Jones! Except I was at work and not in Peru digging shit up!

That's where I was!

Love, now and forever

Jeffy Jeff

Whore

Dear Diary,

The world is mostly populated (mostly) by free loading-under-the-poverty-line whores. Whores (whores) all of them whores (whores). What makes them whores? Well, my dear Diary, the fact they take money for sex! IT defines them!

Why do I care? Well, I don't want to ever see a pie chart that lists the world population as 25% white, 25% black, 25% whatever yellow skinner mother fuckers, and 25% whores. To fix this.... the chart will read like this.

50% whites, 50% black.

a second chart will read....

50% yellow skinner mother fuckers, 50% sentient property.

When I see sentient property, I am referring to the fact whores are objects. I wouldn't say property because you pay tax on property. The only tax you pay on whores is the Department of Health bill.

You don't have to pay the health dept. by the way. I cheated them out of some money.... three times.

Do you see where I am getting at, my dear Diary? Make sure next time you walk into a store, and you some scantly clad dressed whore come behind you... stop, close the door, and make her open it for you. For all she knows you will be her next customer.

Also, never visit the same whore twice. I heard they wear down with age. Once you think a whore is useless as a service providing object (like robots and jews!), make sure you kill the whore and dump her in a river (fish food). So, Diary, next time you go looking for a robot/object service.... look no further then your local home depot (yellow skinner mother fucker whores!)!!!!11!!!

Love, now and forever
Jeffy Jeff!

Crack

Dear Diary,

Don't smoke crack, Diary. It's not good for your health or mental state. Very bad stuff.... specially the discount crack you get from hookers.

No diary, not that crack.... the kind you smoke. Anywho, if you smoke crack, I will be very dissapointed.

That brings me to my next topic....

Don't smoke crack.

Love, now and forever,
Jeffy Jeff


P.S. Don't smoke crack!

FEH FEH

Dear Diary

I have been away for some time, and for that I am sorry. You will be glad to hear I have a new job, my loving diary. Well, I had it since mid January, but it is new information to you. I work for a company called Hemlock Semiconducter! They pay me money!!!!!1!!1!!! It's a good job with good pay and some benefits.

Diary, I am still in a relationship with Cari, so no sex for you.

Well.... maybe a little. I love you too diary!

Well, Diary, my main topic for discussion today is a heated debate in the news... "Is exposing one self to kids at Chuck E' Cheese bad."

Now, I know what you're thinking, Diary, of course it isn't! How can it be? But I assure you, the cops told me it is. It is a very bad thing to do. Apparently cops will even go as far as arresting you (or beating you if you are Black or Mexican) for doing this act. Now, I didn't believe it at first, so I continued doing it until I was caught again at a place called "Genjie's Japanese Steakhouse." Diary, I just couldn't help it! I was watching this cook guy flip all this food onto this giant skillet and I couldn't keep myself calm. I felt the only way to express my enjoyment of the show was to expose myself to the 8 year old's birthday party across the room.

By the way, Diary.... I need you to bail me from jail.

well, Diary it is time for me to go!

Love, now and forever
Jeffy Jeff

Fire Bad

Deaar Diary

It seems at least once a day I manage to burn myself. I really need to learn about the dangers of fire. If it isn't a george forman grill, it's me handling hot cookie sheets without hot pads. Don't even get me started on the dangers of freshly microwaved hot pockets.

While I'm thinking about it, I should also learn to chew my food. Tortilla chips don't work well in large sharp peices in the throat.

I need to make a note to reteach myself how to eat. The art of chewing and not burning myself. I know these may seem like relatively simpl acts to most of you.... but to me it is more difficult then getting kids in a van without the aid of candy or ice icream.

Love, now and forever
JEFFY!!!!!11!!!!LOL!

Food

Dear Diary,

I am hungry, so here goes...

Love, now and forever

Jeffy JEFF!

OMG ALMOST CHRISTMAS!

Dear Diary,

I can't waaaaaait until Christmas! I want to walk int he snow, and I wanna make cards, and I wanna walk in the snow, and and I wanna ride a polar bear, and I wanna befirned a penguin, and I wanna go on a magical mystical adventure with my new animal friends, and I wanna eat snow cakes....

If snow cakes exist.

Love, now and forever

Jeffy Jeff!